fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
