Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
