It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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