very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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