My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
