Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
