I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
