): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
