eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize