I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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