I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
