I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize