just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
