Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize