I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
