member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
