I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
