I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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