You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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