Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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