Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
