I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
