just come out here and I will go home with you...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
