I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
