Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
