Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
