I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
