You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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