I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
