so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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