im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
