her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
