My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My penis needs a shock collar
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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