I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
