What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
