theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
