WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
