I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
