Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
