i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
