How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
