i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
