Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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