Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Congratulations! We have a period
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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