I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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