Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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