i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
