U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
