i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
