I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
