Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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