just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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