All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
