I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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