You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Every concussion has its silver lining
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
