I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
