how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
