And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
