I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
