You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
