It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
