I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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