Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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