What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
