This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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