Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pants are for mortals
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
