Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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