I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize