there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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