I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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