Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i now understand why vodka
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize