Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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